Chapter 1
Once upon a time there was a turtle named Otis. Otis wasn’t your average, every day, run of the mill turtle. Oh, no no no. Otis was a hip motherfucker. He wore dark sunglasses and drove around in a pimped out black hummer with “fuck da firemenz!” sprayed on the door. He’d be rollin down Malibu and bitches be like “Oh shit. That is one sexy turtle.” And Otis would be all like “…I know”.
Chapter 2
One day Otis awoke to the sound of little girl crying outside. He got out of bed and carefully navigated his way past the candy bar wrappers and whores strewn across the floor of his house. 15 minutes later he finally reached the front door and began to approach the young girl who was weeping on the pavement. “Oh Otis! You gotta help me! David Schwimmer just came and stole my toboggan!” “That’s the third Schwimmer related crime this week” Otis replied, cool as a cucumber in an Eskimo’s vag. “I’m on it.” And with that, he was away.
Chapter 3
